“I Love Them, I Am Just Not in Love with Them Anymore.”: The Difference Between LOVE and IN LOVE

I hear those words with some regularity when I work with couples on their marriage issues.  There is a sadness when the words are spoken and often a resignation suggested, such as, “It’s just too damn bad we can’t do anything about it.”

I do not believe in that kind of doom.  If we were talking weight loss, stopping smoking, getting more exercise, lowering cholesterol and blood pressure, living a more balanced life, or saving for retirement or children’s education, we would be relentless in trying possibilities over a long period of time.

I tell people to work with me on their marriage for four months and then assess whether changes have occurred in the ways they desire.  Working on what we want with our partner is not mysterious.  We need to be direct and specific in expressing our needs and wants.  When you are in marriage counseling with us, we will measure as well the progress in getting those needs and wants met.

The most important aspect of changing a marriage patterns is saying out loud to our spouse, “Yes, I like it when you do that….”  Even the casinos know that sooner or later, everyone needs a payoff.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their relationship, please give us a call.  We can help you be in love again.

Leave a comment

Yeah Right

12 years ago

What if I just don't have the DESIRE to be in love with her anymore?


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