Can My Marriage Be Saved?

Will Marriage Counseling Break Up My Marriage? 7 Signs Your Marriage Needs Help

Marriage can be challenging at times. Maybe one of the wedding gifts should be a therapy gift card to be used when things get tough.  Much like a new dining room table that gets scratched from constant use, relationships can also show wear and tear over the years. So how do you know if your marriage has hit a rough patch or it’s something more serious requiring professional help?

1. Poor Communication

When you are not able to talk about your problems. When It’s just too frightening to even bring issues up — from sex to money, or even annoying little habits that are being blown out of proportion, a therapist’s job is to help the couple become clear about their issues and to help them understand what they are truly talking about.

2. Your Sex Life has Significantly Changed

Most feel that when there is a loss of intimacy, there are problems. While this is true, it is also important to be mindful of either an absence or a sudden increase of sex in your relationship can signal danger. “If you have not been having regular or passionate sex and all of a sudden your partner behaves like a courting lover or wants to experiment with new activities that s/he has never expressed an interest in before, it could indicate that he is experiencing feeling of arousal that are not originating from his relationship with you!”

3. Holding on to the Past

It is a good idea to talk to a professional when there has been a traumatic event in your life, like the loss of a child or an affair — and one partner cannot let the past go. Whatever the situation, every person processes trauma differently.

4. A Reoccurring Issue

One type of red flag that usually can be greatly helped by therapy is an issue that has been difficult in the relationship from the beginning, but regardless of endless discussions, never seems to pass.  When you see that the same issues are coming up again and again in disagreements, it is a good sign they are not effectively being resolved and the couple is at a sticking point.

5. Finances

Disagreements over money are one of the top reasons couples find themselves in conflict. If your spouse keeps you in the dark about family finances or feels the need to control everything related to money, it may be time to speak up. You both need to be aware of your debt, monthly bills, the balance on your mortgage, how many savings/checking accounts your have, etc.  If your spouse objects, it’s time to see a counselor.

6. Kids

Yes, children are a blessing, but they can also add stress to your marriage, especially if the two of you are not a united front. Seek counseling if you disagree with each other’s parenting styles and frequently argue about how your children should be raised.

7. You Still Love Your Spouse

If you still love spouse and really want to make things work, and have not been successful, then consider finding a counselor. You need to seek advice before things escalate and you truly despise the other person. Be a proactive couple who strives to solve issues before they tear at the fabric of your deepest bonds of trust and intimacy.

Whether you choose to seek help or continue down your current path — be aware that counseling does not break couples up or even hold them together. Couples counseling is about helping the couple communicate better and understand what is going on.

“I Love Them, I Am Just Not in Love with Them Anymore.”: The Difference Between LOVE and IN LOVE

I hear those words with some regularity when I work with couples on their marriage issues.  There is a sadness when the words are spoken and often a resignation suggested, such as, “It’s just too damn bad we can’t do anything about it.”

I do not believe in that kind of doom.  If we were talking weight loss, stopping smoking, getting more exercise, lowering cholesterol and blood pressure, living a more balanced life, or saving for retirement or children’s education, we would be relentless in trying possibilities over a long period of time.

I tell people to work with me on their marriage for four months and then assess whether changes have occurred in the ways they desire.  Working on what we want with our partner is not mysterious.  We need to be direct and specific in expressing our needs and wants.  When you are in marriage counseling with us, we will measure as well the progress in getting those needs and wants met.

The most important aspect of changing a marriage patterns is saying out loud to our spouse, “Yes, I like it when you do that….”  Even the casinos know that sooner or later, everyone needs a payoff.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their relationship, please give us a call.  We can help you be in love again.